In my opinion, these things matter…

1. Valuing commitment over instant pleasure and faithfulness
beyond short term displeasure.

2. Telling less than I feel for the purpose of learning
more than I know.

3. Choosing to have mutual conflict become the playing
field where we celebrate victory as opposed to the battle
field where the only winners are division and discord.

4. Delighting in the dream of another — not necessarily
because I share the dream but because I’m in love with the
one who owns it.

5. Appreciating what I do well in the face of what the
other does better — and doing so without downplaying
either.

6. Calling it a night before calling it off.

7. Reinforcing habits that heal and breaking habits that
make healing necessary.

8. Misplacing grudges more often and finding praises more
often than not.

9. Making honor a way of seeing,

10. Gratefulness a way of speaking,

11. Listening with the heart a way of hearing,

12. And responding in self-control a way of emoting.

13. Striving to win as a team instead of simply striving to
win.

14. Saying “I love you” more often — without saying it.

15. Keeping a better score of what was done right than what
wasn’t done “as right as I would like.”

16. Misplacing “You should have” more and finding “I’m glad
you did” more often.

17. Developing and maintaining our own mutual admiration
society.

18. Helping when I can,

19. Stopping when I should,

20. And listening a whole lot in between.

21. Speaking truth without a hurtful agenda and laying aside
conflicting agendas for the sake of loving in truth.

22. Hating the word “betrayed” and choosing to join forces
in waging a war against all it represents.

23. Loving for all the relationship is worth — because it
really is worth it all.

24. Working hard at words that work well instead of making
it hard because “working hard at the relationship” is not in
my vocabulary.

25. Realizing that forgiveness doesn’t automatically make
everything right — it simply creates a more solid
foundation
for the remainder of the journey.

26. Learning how to laugh, cry, struggle, shout, pout,
fight, celebrate and rejoice as a couple that cares as
opposed to one that cares not at all.

27. Realizing there is no such thing as a “50/50″
relationship in marriage. It’s a “110/110″ deal. We give
our all — and then some — in order to make it all work
out.

28. Choosing to make laughter, encouragement, joy, and
mutual expressions of love permanent residents in our home
instead of guests we hope will some day arrive.

____________________________________

© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute

this article. The copyright and this resource box must be

included. http://abeautifulmomentintime.blogspot.com

Avoid pain/create pleasure. For A Beautiful Moment In Time

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Are you a golf widow? Yes? Don’t worry, you are not alone. No one can know for sure how many golf widows are out there. Spending weekends and holidays alone while your spouse is taking each chance available to play the game loved by so many can be tough on any marriage. The question is what are you going to do about it? There’s no easy answer but here are a few tips you should consider if you want to keep your spouse in your life.

The thing about marrying a golfer is that you initially have the choice unless your spouse discovers the game after you say “yes”. As with any relationship, you should have a good idea of what you are getting into before you agree marry this person. So, assuming you know that you are marrying a golfer, you should expect that each weekend your newly found spouse probably will be on the links during the entire golf season. Depending on where you live, this could be a significant amount of time.

Should you expect a life of lonely weekends and time to yourself? It all depends on how much your spouse loves golf. It’s hard to explain to a non-golfer the powerful addiction of this crazy game. It’s probably a given that the thought of taking up golf has at least crossed your mind before you entered into your marriage. If you weren’t impressed or can’t understand what the big deal is, you may be in trouble. It can be a very difficult situation because on one hand, you want your spouse to enjoy their free time even if it’s on the golf course. Things go astray because there is a fine line between allowing your partner the time to enjoy their hobbies and the flip side of too much time being spent away from you and your home.

How you deal with this new found challenge can be the difference between staying together and not. The best and easiest way to make everyone happy to set clearly defined boundaries that both of you agree upon. Say for example that you both agree two rounds of golf each week is enough. Obviously you need to be flexible and on some occasions, your spouse might play once or not at all, and on others he may play 4 or 5 times in the same week. As long as consistently over time it all works out to both of your satisfaction, you should be able to get along great. Keep in mind that there should be a trade off of some sort. Make sure if he has a 4 game week that you at least get a nice dinner out of that or that his duties around the house don’t fall behind. Make it work in such a way that it can be fun and enjoyable for both of you.

An important consideration is that once you agree to a mutually beneficial arrangement, making your partner feel guilty each time he heads off the course won’t help anyone involved. Encourage him and take advantage of the fact that you are in a relationship where you talk to each other so openly. This is not to say that your boundaries are written in stone either. Revisit them as often as you need but in a way that is productive and not as a confrontation.

It is possible to stay married to an avid golfer with a little bit of effort and concessions from both parties. Revisit your agreements frequently and regularly discuss how things are working out for both of you. Tweak and adjust as you need as your personal situation changes and you can enjoy a long and productive life together.

Mike Wyman is co-creator of the online dating website for golfers, DateAGolfer.com and PuttingForPar.com, a golf website specializing in personalized ball markers.

In America, last to arrive at the alter is the bride. In England she is first. But whatever the timing of the arrival, a wedding march has been part of the wedding ceremony ritual since the beginning of time.

Since the wedding party must arrive at the place where the wedding is to take place, the processional was inevitable, only it’s form has changed through the years. And while the progressive bride might think she’s doing something rather unique by arriving in a horse-drawn carriage, progressive brides of the past have been known to arrive at church on horseback, veil and hair streaming behind her.

The less affluent, or perhaps more conservative, tended to walk to the church surrounded by friends, family, and a few special people who would give a touch of class to the whole proceeding.
These touches would come in the form of children dressed in silks and satins, and conveying a practical symbol of fertility. The symbol of fertility would be further underscored by the older guests who might carry garlands of wheat or even a cake. While informal in its aspect, it had all the meaning of the current, well-rehearsed, wedding march.

Above all, the processional meant a lot of noise as talented guests beat their drums, squeezed out piercing melodies out of their bagpipes, and fiddled away to their hearts content.

Unlike today, the wedding march procession tended to collect more and more participants as it progressed. Like vampires drawn to warm blood, farmers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, their hands still full of their occupation, would join the noisy crowd. Many of the lucky symbols thrown at the unsuspecting couples included corn or wheat or, indeed, any sort of seeds being planted. Caught up in the moment, there would also be the odd horse shoe or even nails, by the blacksmith interrupted amidst his labours.

While it was a lot of fun for the bride and groom to make their event known far and wide by the noise that accompanied them from home to church, it was actually as practical a gesture, as it was a decorative one. If somewhere in the future one of the spouses were to suggest that perhaps the marriage had no legitimate status, the other spouse could call upon dozens of people who could swear on a stack of bibles that they had seen the wedding, heard the wedding, and had even been part of the wedding.

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant authorised to perform marriages in Australia. She also perform general ceremonies such as Baby Naming, Renewal of Vows and Commitment Ceremonies. To learn more about her as a celebrant and an author visit vlady at http://www.weddings-celebrant.com